[[How Jerry and Betty Became the Least Entertaining Couple in the Neighborhood (Part 4) – Third Section]]
Once again, Jerry and Betty dominated my thoughts over the past week, and again, people following my Experiments in Writing posts know one of my writing techniques is to ask “What Happens Next?”.
In this case, I knew a great deal about “what happens next” in the story, and a great deal more about what I wanted to happen next (I do know how the story turns out and I do know the major themes. I do, really, I swear) and that much of it wasn’t suppose to happen.
This is, after all, I rewrite of the story. I had the scene elements (not the scenes themselves necessarily but what plot points have to occur at what points in the story, hence what had to happen and not necessarily how it would happen), now to put them together in such a way they kept the reader moving forward.
That noted, here’s Section 3. Let me know what you think.
How Jerry and Betty Became the Least Entertaining Couple in the Neighborhood (Third Section)
NASA’s publicity tour included several major art galleries. Tonight’s was Boston’s MFA, but only after a morning at Harvard, an afternoon at MIT, and a rubber-chicken dinner with the Boston-Cambridge CoC.
An advance team guided Jerry through Cambridge, a different team through Boston, with Betty spending the day at several less technical events controlled by yet another team. She gazed out the rear window of their limo and her head slewed back onto the plush leather upholstered passenger seat. “How come they get a break and we don’t?”
Jerry watched heavy rain drops crash against the limo and didn’t answer.”
“I mean, both of our advance teams get a break. Not us. How come?”
Jerry raised his hand to his window, fingers extended and tips against the window, and pushed.
The driver’s voice overrode the relaxing piano music playing since they left the Park Plaza. “We can’t lower the windows, Commander Fortin. Would you like me to adjust the temperature?”
Jerry paid no attention and continued to press.
The limo slowed. “Commander Fortin?”
The privacy glass lowered and Dr. Koss’ head came through. “There is a problem, Jerry?”
Betty’s head came up sharply and her nostrils flared. “I didn’t know you were here with us, Dr. Koss.”
Koss focused on Jerry. “I had business today and my night is free. I came along. Jerry? Jerrold?”
Jerry’s head rotated slowly until his gaze fixed on Koss. His words came slowly, as if in a recently learned foreign tongue. “The Thorines’ don’t have glass. They have a fibrous material. Transparent. Only what is wanted gets in.”
Koss nodded. Betty saw him signal the driver to continue. The limo picked up speed as the privacy window closed.
Betty sneered into the low light of the passenger compartment. “Listening to us, Dr. Koss?”
You have to be a paying subscriber (Muse level (1$US/month) or higher) to view the rest of this post. Please Login or Join Us to continue.
Questions or comments? Bring ’em on. They’ll help me craft a better story.
No Responses