An Experiment in Writing – Part 25: Accidental POV Shifts

I’m critiquing one of Liz Tuckwell‘s alternate history pieces.

First thing, Liz is a gifted author (I enjoy her work) and a regular member of RoundTable 360° (a monthly meeting of creatives from all disciplines where we discuss challenges all creatives face and support each other).

Anyway, while critiquing Liz’s piece, I ran into something interesting, something craft-issueish, and because I’m anal-retentive about writing craft, it stopped me.

The interesting thing was a shift in POVs (viewpoints):

Tully found it hard to enjoy the food when he was tasting it for poison. Each mouthful of honeyed pork or spiced dove might be his last. That also applied to the excellent Jyptian wine he had to try. How he hated Tremulous for suggesting Tully could be his food taster.

  • Tully found it hard to enjoy the food when he was tasting it for poison. is a good line in 3rdPLO (third person, limited omniscient) POV
  • Each mouthful of honeyed pork or spiced dove might be his last. is also a good line but is it in 3rdPLO or 1stP POV (and possibly even Deep POV)?
    One of the great things about speculative fiction writing (and which definitely separates it from other genres) is 1stP POV is a limited viewpoint by definition in other genres, not so in speculative fiction. The latter allows a the full range from the character only knowing about themselves (but not being honest with themselves hence not being honest with the reader – the unreliable witness character) to having god-like abilities and knowing what’s going on everywhere everywhen. Each has its benefits and detriments.
  • That also applied to the excellent Jyptian wine he had to try. How he hated Tremulous for suggesting Tully could be his food taster. are both in 3rdP Omniscient.

    Going from 3rdPLO to 1stPDeep is fine because that’s how people think, but!!! the abrupt pullback can cause confusion. Usually the steps we take down a well (or into a character’s psyche) must equal the steps we take up a well (or a character’s psyche). We can run in either or both directions, and usually the steps have to be equal.

     
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Great Opening Lines – and Why! (March 2025’s Great Opening Lines)

I wrote in Great Opening Lines – and Why! (Part 3 – Some Great Opening Lines) that I’d share more great opening lines as I found them.

My last entry in this category was November 2024’s Great Opening Lines – and Why! (Nov 2024’s Great Opening Lines) which covered

This entry in the Great Opening Lines – And Why! posts is Kafkaish. I read The Complete Stories and Parables, and what I’d read about his work is true; either you accept his first line – which sometimes is amazing – or you don’t. If you don’t, read something else. If you do, you’re in. Here are some examples:
Continue reading “Great Opening Lines – and Why! (March 2025’s Great Opening Lines)”

Fains I (A John Chance Mystery) Chapter 9 – Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night

No changes to chapter 8 (yet) so finally a new chapter.

Hope you enjoy.

Fains I (A John Chance Mystery) Chapter 9 – Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night

Rhonda Gilbert lost her Company tail in a fifteenth-floor custodian’s closet at Trump Tower. The custodian’s closet contained one of her many New York City caches, one of hundreds across the globe. Wherever she posted, she used a mathematical formula based on the host city’s name to determine which buildings to use, which floors to use, and what to cache there. LiquidKey – a sweet little Special Services gadget – provided access to any mechanical lock. A Special Services app provided access to electronic locks.

Each cache contained a complete makeover. In this case, the athletically thin, black suited, middle-aged woman with thick, hip length blonde hair went in and an older, matronly woman with thick glasses, a slight lisp, ruddy complexion, and dark, Mediterranean features came out, each makeover took less then sixty seconds thanks to a special Quick-Change class her Russian handlers arranged for her when she first approached them.

Rhonda enjoyed playing both sides. She enjoyed having her own island which nobody knew about. She enjoyed the Russians paying her while they figured out how they would resurrect their empire, what shape it would take and who would run it. She enjoyed going to them, not waiting for them to come to her, with bona fides of a high-level US intelligence/security weapons research group they knew nothing about.

“Don’t beat yourselves up too much. Most of the people who should know about it don’t know about it.”

Irregular meetings were set up at various hotels – dives to five-star – at odd intervals and wherever her missions took her.

Lots of the stuff she told her handlers returned a nod, a “good job,” a “just continue what you’re doing.”

But everything changed when she mentioned Shaman to them, the US’ latest and greatest attempt to determine if ESP and now labeled PSI abilities existed, and if so, how to screen for them, how to foster them, how to develop them for strategic and tactical purposes.

One or two or her handlers completely lost their composure, sat forward, and reached across the table for the files. “How far has this gotten?”

She, of course, remained calm, cool, and composed, something she learned to do in high school. Each time she revealed only what she wanted revealed, or revealed something completely opposite to her true thoughts and feelings, she remembered the repeated, ongoing, incessant, never ending insult, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, embarrassment, she suffered at the hands of other students, teachers, administration.

And let’s not forget the unending, over arching stupidity – Stupidity! – of the same.

Somebody told her to keep her head down and low.

It didn’t matter. They’d tilt her head up just to make sure they slapped her face.

And by the middle of sophomore year, she’d learned to not show what she felt, not show what she thought, and she remembered telling her worthless priest father-confessor, “Getting no response is no fun. Even they get it’s no fun besting an idiot, and if that’s my safest game, I’ll play my safest game.”

In the middle of her junior year she took saw a matchbook with BIG MONEY and INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL on the cover. Beneath them was “look inside for details.” There she read “Draw a camel and answer these three questions Yes or No.” with a postal address at the bottom.

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Previous Fains I (A John Chance Mystery) Chapters

A Winter’s Drink

We do enjoy entertaining guests here at Chez Carrabis.

Case in point, this waysome traveler, a mature Oaps, a wonderful thing to see taking a wee nip on a cold winter’s night.

Not all The Wild sleeps or lies dormant in the winter. Many still roam, knocking on doors, knocking over trashcans, asking for advice, a tender taste, a slight offering from our table to theirs.

Happy to provide, we, because knowing they are well is a formidable joy.