Category: Horror

An Example of the Experiments, 3 – Fains I

We left off in An Example of the Experiments, 2 – Fains I with the promise of sharing the original Fains I opening and the rewrite making use of multiple storycrafting techniques.

First, the original’s first ~900 words

Tim screamed. His father kicked off covers and rose quickly. He didn’t bother with robe or slippers and hollered, “It’s okay, Tim. We’re coming.”
Mrs. Young lifted her gown and cursed the folds as her hands fought to find their place. Mr. Young wrenched the door open.
A hallway nightlight flooded their bedroom with dark colors.
“Put on a real light , ” he said as he and his wife raced down the hall to Tim’s room.
Mr. Young entered first. Mrs. Young caromed off the door at the end of the hall.
Mr. Young grabbed Tim as he landed on the bed, his tears washing Tim as he held his son against him, rocking and speaking softly.
Timothy continued to scream, unrelenting, unaware of his father’s arms, each scream higher than the last, longer than the last, each scream more hopeless than the last.
Mrs. Young flicked the light in Tim’s room. His bed held a sweat soaked outline of his body. “Can you move him? I should change the sheets.”
Mr. Young continued rocking Tim, his eyes closed, still holding his son against him, too big to sit in dad’s lap, too terrified not to. “Why bother? The covers are off the bed. Just let it dry out.”
Tim stopped shrieking. His eyes started to focus. He sat up, rigid, arms locked by his sides. He looked at his father.
“You’re home, Tim. Mom and I are right here. Do you know where you are?”
Tim clenched his father like a child seeking the security of its mother’s breasts, sobbing heavily. His body finally went limp and he slept again.
Mr. Young looked at his wife, framed in the doorway. “I’ll spend the night in here with him.

***

Continue reading “An Example of the Experiments, 3 – Fains I“

An Example of the Experiments, 2 – Fains I

We left off in An Example of the Experiments – Fains I with a rewrite of the first paragraph, which was much better craftwise than the original and still sucked.

It was better than the original because of the solid POV, the protagonist’s situation was clearly stated, the setting and tone were much stronger, more character roles were defined, …

And still it sucked, and I knew it sucked, hence I wrote “Still needs work, though.” at the end of the post.

The real problem was I didn’t know how to fix it because I wasn’t sure of the specifics of what wasn’t working.

Much of the answer came while I worked on An Experiment in Writing – Part 8: Worthy Antagonists when I talked about developing a character’s backstory, about why the character behaves, thinks, responds, interacts, does as they do.

Give the reader only as much character background as necessary for them to understand the story.

 
Let me give you a caveat at this point: Give the reader only as much character background as necessary for them to understand the story.

Empty Sky’s Earl Pangiosi, The Inheritors’s Seth Van Gelder, look at any of the main and primary characters in my work and you’ll find lots of their background woven into the story.

It seems I do this weaving well because readers constantly comment on how real and vivid my characters are.

Back to Fains I (or “Eye.” I’m still deciding).
Continue reading “An Example of the Experiments, 2 – Fains I“

An Example of the Experiments – Fains I

Sometime in the mid- to late-1970s, my third time through college (and still having no luck with traditional education of the time), I sat in my study in a rented house on Willand Pond Road and flipped through my copy of Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable (the centenary edition revised by Ivor H. Evans). I wasn’t looking for anything in particular except to be distracted from exceedingly boring classwork.

I found it on pg 409: “Fains I.”

“Fains I” is “a schoolchildren’s term of unknown origin exempting the first to call: ‘Fains I goal-keeping.'”

Dig a little deeper and it’s used to offer protection for someone asserting an unprovable claim.

Dig lots deeper and there’s a reference to “Hercules’ Shirt,” meaning his wearing the skin of the Nemean Lion which was impervious to all but the most powerful weapons (can you say “arms race”?)

That prompted an ~2k word story which is now, thankfully, lost to antiquity.

BTW, that deepest reference is lost except in certain modern retellings of the Hercules legend (such as Dwayne Johnson’s Hercules) in which much of Hercules’ legend is called into question.

Yeah, okay, great.

What’s this got to do with the Experiments (in Writing)?

I mention in An Experiment in Writing – Part 7: Inciting Incidents that my current #work-in-progress is Fains I and that the opening sucks.

Well, of course it does.

And it’s fixable.

I’ve spent considerable neural horsepower over the past few weeks coming up with ways to a) make it better craft-wise and b) make it a better story, period (storytelling).

Some of the solutions point to the (currently 3,425 word) story becoming a novel.

I really don’t want to write another novel right now.

Okay, okay, okay.

What I can do is use Fain’s I as an example of some of the things I bring up in the Experiments in Writing.

Which we’ll begin now, with Fain’s I’s opening paragraph (anybody remember So I gave myself an exercise (eating my own dogfood)…? That’s what we’re going to do here for the next several weeks (or however long it takes for me to decide the story’s working and publishable).
Continue reading “An Example of the Experiments – Fains I“

Jonah Jones’ “Some Are Wayfarers” in The Rabbit Hole VII: Not From Here

I asked fellow The Rabbit Hole VII: Not From Here anthology contributors to share some things about themselves prior to publication and those generous enough to do so will be appearing here for the next week or so.

Each entry gives a taste of their contribution, a little about them, how to contact them, how their story came about, and definitely a link to The Rabbit Hole VII: Not From Here (which you should purchase because it would make each and every one of us happy.
you do want to make us happy, don’t you?
i mean, considering what we wrote, you want us to know you’re a good person, right?).

And now, Jonah Jones’ Some Are Wayfarers:

Should you ever admit your own sadness, Bethan argued, it would either become more easily dismissed or drive you barmy. Not wishing to risk the latter, she had long since learned to push her own regrets into the background and therefore out of the realms of admission. Most of the time anyway. The love affair that hadn’t lasted had made her sad at the time. He had seemed so dependable; such a large part of a predictable future. They would walk together down the same road for as long as they lived. She had forgotten how plain she used to think she was, had even come to believe she was sexy. This new faith in herself had increased by the day until the day he left, mumbling excuses and platitudes whilst unable to look her in the eye. She remembered staring at the door for long after the sound of his footsteps had gone down the stairs and out into the street. Then all the old feelings of inadequacy had returned as if he’d poured a bucket of ice over her head. She was twice as ugly in a world full of beautiful women. She was a cockroach watching butterflies.

Continue reading “Jonah Jones’ “Some Are Wayfarers” in The Rabbit Hole VII: Not From Here“

A Twelfth of Carrabis (October 2024 Newsletter)

Fall continues its march into Winter and draws me to my studies with North American indigenes, to tales of WinterMan, SnowWalker, and the Northern Lights being the spirits of unborn children waiting to come to earth. We were lucky enough to get a good look at Comet A3. It’s next trip around the sun is in 80,000 years. I suspect many of us will be Joni Mitchell’s stardust when it returns.
Votes were cast and “A Twelfth of Carrabis” won for the newsletter title moving forward.
The Book of the Wounded Healers: A study in Perception Is currently scheduled for a late Oct-early Nov release. In 2024. Never hurts to be specific.

October-November 2024 Announcements
Continue reading “A Twelfth of Carrabis (October 2024 Newsletter)”